My heart has been crying every now and then like the november weather; raining when you didnt expect it will.
All my questions were finally answered yesterday. I finally gathered enough courage to settle the doubts that had been haunting me for the past few days. Ya, I'm relieved after clearing all the clouds in my mind but at the same time I am making up my mind to let go everything. I really hope that I can do it...
My heart bleeds everytime when I think of the trespasser. What made me delighted was that he told me that he likes me. But when I asked him "Do you love me?", he took such a long time to answer my simple question. After a few moment, he said...."Yaa...sort of..". <---that was really a very heavy evident that shows how much he likes me but not LOVE me.
As for me, I like him too. But, when it comes to love... I do not think so.. I love the feeling being together with him but I am not sure whether it's called L-O-V-E.
Things are getting clearer and clearer and I had made up my mind to peel off this feeling and bury it deep deep deep down the grave.
I was to be blamed for not "responding" when he carried out the first move few years ago. Guess now I have to be responsible for my own mistake.
Both of my shoulders feel so heavy... trespasser one shoulder... my 3 years-old relationship on the other. I really hope I can be fair to both sides. I really hope that I can give up 2 sides as a punishment for not "respoding" to the trespasser and for not being loyal to the 3 years old relationship. I want to be fair to the 3 year old relationship, but I do not have the courage to tell him that my heart does not belongs to him. angel and devil are battling inside me... angel is telling me to let go both sides...but devil is asking me to continue...Who is gonna win in the end?
I hope angel...
My heart is hurting me so much that I am gasping for oxygen...
I wish to escape but I have no place to do so,
I wish for Eden but it's too far for me to reach,
I wish I am heartless but I can't fight Mother Nature,
I wish I am mean but my innerself is stronger,
I wish I know what to do but ignorance always wins the battle.
GOD....................................................................................................
