Suicidal Relationship

I think I'm losing my senses and abilities day by day...

I can forget so easily where I put important things like Keys.

My memory deteriorates.

Factor of contributing???

well.. of course...my lousy 3 year-old relationship with my ex plus the break-in that happened few days ago.

Last Saturday (3/3/2007), the house that I rented was broke-in by a/some stupid theif/thieves!

Angel and I heard some noises downstairs (our land lady went outstation left only the 2 of us staying in the big double-storey house) on Friday night but we refused to believe that there was actually someone trying to break in the house. Isn't that funny? None of us dare to risk our lives to go down and find out what's going on! Our legs just couldn't move! We kept on persuading ourselves that the noise was from the neighbours' who were having some kinda gathering. Angel kept telling me not to think too much (cause I usually do) and everything's gonna be just fine when we woke up in the morning. So, OK, I carried on with my assignment and Angel started her journey to meet her Prince Charming in her dream. I know we're being selfish, but who's gonna pay back our lives to our parents IF both of us went down the other night and so happen that the stupid guy or guys armed themselves with knives or parang? We could be potentially killed leh!

I was horribly traumatized after the incident. Couldn't dare to go downstairs anymore without Angel and both of us stuck together like glue every second praying hard that Aunty will sense that something is going wrong with her house and zoom back A-S-A-P!

The moron ran away with some petty cash and a cheque. Our smart land lady said luckily she asked her son to give her ang pao in cheque to prevent matter like this. Wow! as if she can predict what is gonna happen ho? So even if the moron stole the cheque, it doesn't mean that he can withdraw the money and the cheque amount is 10 times more than the petty that the moron stole. Can't imagine how he feels when he leaped out happily from our house the other night and walking out from bank with a sour face when the cheque fails to get operated. *wicked laugh*

After the break-in case, my ex smsed me one day telling me that he is infected by Denggi. Of course at first I was like "Oh My God, how could this happen?" and very naturally I started to concern bout him. I had even asked my parents to pay him a visit in the hospital. Ok.. that's pretty normal right? But things were not the same again when my mum rang up and told me that his name was not in the admission list when few minutes ago he just told me that he was admitted into Sarikei Hospital. How come?!! My parents even went to the quarantine ward specially for Denggi patients to search for him but still couldn't find him. Then, mum suddenly asked me, "Eh, do you think he's pulling our legs?"

I was like ......."Ha? No eh....?? What for??"

*speechless*

My brain begins to spin, spin and spin. Stupidly, I'm still defending him. I still choose to believe him! And my mum who will never give up (until the truth is revealed), starts to investigate his every move since then.

I was thinking.. Why wanna lie to me? Why wanna do all these things? These ain't funny man!!!! This is LIFE man!!!

I became more and more angry when come to think of it. With disturbed emotion, I called him and demanded him for an explanation! Wanna know what he told me?
He said, "I just came out from the Hospital when your parents went to visit me."

Laaaaaaameeeeeeeeeee!!! Why dont you tell me that Sarikei Hospital sent you to Sibu Hospital due to your serious condition instead HUH!???!!!!!?!?!!??!Huh!!!??? HUH??!!!

I was so angry and confused! I don't know who to believe. There are too many suspicious areas that makes me hard to believe him anymore but at the same time, there is this 0.001%. What if it's true? I'll be guilty for the rest of my life. I really hate myself for being kind and naive!!!

And for these reasons, I've had sleepless night which I think causing me to become forgetfull and I am late for class as well. DamN! Every day, I will receive at least one new bad news from him telling me that his body temperature is rising high, having sore throat, posibilty of getting other illnesses etc etc.

Why wanna torture me like this!!???!!! I couldn't stand this anymore!

This is the first time that I feel like committing suicide right away!

FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~~~~