It's time to sing AMAZING GRACE...

There is an upset feeling haunting me since this morning (Sun, 18th March)

My heart was a bit “achy” the moment I opened my eyes this morning.. I am feeling so down that I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I don’t know why this feeling’s there cause I didn’t quarrel with anyone, no cat-fights either, didn’t feel unsatisfied, family’s okay… I really have no idea why I am still very upset…

This kind of feeling really makes me moody the whole day long.. Can’t afford to offer a smile to anyone...(How selfish!!) No mood to laugh even though Angel did try her best to cheer me up.

***

I had a lot of flash-back lately.. Don’t know why… I am wondering whether I’m gonna die or not cause usually before a person dies he/she will flash back the journey of their lives before they leave this world.

*sigh*

I am thinking of how my ex is doing… Curious bout his sickness… Well, I choose to believe that his sickness is somehow true. He is not lying (though I don’t have enough evidence to prove) and I feel so bad inside that I previously accused him. I know I am contradicting myself and I’ve been telling myself that if I found him lying to me one day, I’ll still forgive him for his childishness.. He loves me too much that he couldn’t afford to lose me…I can feel his pain. I know I’ve been really cruel to him… but in relationships…when it doesn’t work anymore you just have to let go. Unfortunately, he just couldn’t get it.

I need a time-out. That’s all. In fact, I’m hoping that he is concocting stories to catch my attention cause I really don't wish to see him suffer from any illness. Each time my phone rings, I was hoping that the person who sends me SMS is not him cause he usually sent me bad news since we broke up. He would tell me how many days he has not been eating, the pain that he goes through everyday, etc etc. In a way, he is psycho-attacking me! And I really feel burdened and emotionally disturbed by these. The purpose of breaking up is to have a TIME-OUT and look what I’d done? Instead of having a TIME-OUT, I’m suffering a heavy psycho-battle here!!! Anyone!!?????!!! Can you please tell me whether I am doing the right thing or not?!! If don’t break up I’ll suffer.. After broke up, I suffer COMBO HIT PSYCHO ATTACK!!! This is BULLSHIT!! Sometimes I really feel like committing suicide!!
#&*^$*&^#&%#^%$^&#%@&%&#@%$^#

Honestly, I really don’t wanna see him suffering from any illness... A person like him shouldn’t suffer any kind of illness and he surely deserves a better girl instead of me. He should live a happy life and not what he’s experiencing now. I really don’t know what else to do besides giving him endless advices (which he’ll never listen)

What else can I do!!!??????!!! Let him attack me continuously??? This is ridiculous!!! I’m really DOOMED!

Anyways, I think he’ll live a longer life than me cause he’s really good at psycho-attacking me.

Hence, I officially announce that my brain power now left only 40% to defend myself from the attacks… How long can I live really depend on the frequency of his attacks.

P.S: Being in love sucks!!!! DAMN SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!

Therefore, being in a relationship is totally the silliest and stupidest thing to do in this world!!! You know what? This actually shows how much you DON’T appreciate your life!!! (No offence to anyone)